I have always thought of myself as someone who naturally enjoyed time to be reflective. Deepening the connection with myself was just something I have always done like breathing, however when some difficult memories and emotions came up for me recently I found myself reluctant and avoidant to do the work. So why was I being hesitant and what was driving me to avoid doing the necessary emotional work to assist my healing and continue deepening the connection with myself?
Why does anyone try to avoid something….? ‘Pain’. I honestly felt scared and while I knew it was necessary for me to do the work, I was also distracting myself with whatever I could to avoid the possibility of feeling into it. Now as someone who has experienced what I would call a surmountable amount of pain in their life, I was curious and a little shocked to find myself shying away from this, so how was I going to get myself back into my body, to feel into my emotions and to do the necessary work of what was coming up for me.
Whenever I need to bring myself back into my body I always turn to my self-care practice, which for me looks like walks by the ocean, journaling, essential oils, prayer, meditation, naps, or taking salt baths. These are all just some ways I like to tend to myself sometimes daily or weekly depending on how I am feeling and I will step it up a notch when I am more fragile and in more need of my love and attention.
As human beings, we are essentially hard wired for pleasure, so it is natural for us to want to avoid states of pain, however if we are always chasing pleasure in the hope to avoid feelings of pain we are really denying ourselves the riches of a life, filled with true deep and authentic connections with people, ourselves and the world around us. We would ultimately be denying ourselves our own healing and happiness all for a quick fix of pleasure in its place.
How then can we practice being more consciously aware of our behaviours to give space to what feelings and emotions arise. We can start by being more fully present in our daily lives and by making our wellness and our personal healing process the most important thing we tend to. When we finally take these steps and make the decision to put our health and well-being as our highest priority in our lives a natural evolution begins. When we take the time to be with ourselves, to care for our needs to love ourselves through honouring ourselves, our interests, our passions, our values and beliefs, we begin to send positive messages to our brain of I am worthy, I matter, I am important, I am loved.
Along with these positive messages to the brain there is a natural cultivation and biproduct of self-trust that slowly begins to emerge from within. As we begin to trust ourselves we innately begin to make better decisions, and when we begin to make better decisions, there is a natural occurrence to stand our ground and to speak our truths. This is a natural state of boundary building. We begin to naturally develope and enforce our own boundaries, and as we begin to concreted these new skills we are inturn further building more trust, respect and love for ourselves.
With trust comes a deepening of our connection within ourselves, which has a trickle down effect into the relationships we have with the people around us. This trickle down effect occurs because our reality now begins to reflect the same kind of connections and relationships we have begun to cultivated within ourselves. When we can truely begin to trust ourselves, magic begins to happen, it’s like a cascading snowball effect and once you’ve got momentum there is no stopping what’s possible.I believe there is a secret to ending our emotional pain and suffering, and it starts with finding the strength to go within. It is not an easy route or road to walk, but it is a conscious choice, a choice which is ours to choose. I promise you it will be a courageously deep and most sacred of journeys, one that holds some of our greatest of rewards and one few of us will choose to travel. What road will you choose?
All Words Written by Evelyn Wayde © 2019 – 2020